Head's Blog: Peer Pressure

Dear Parents,

I was thinking about the transition to senior school for our children and what tools the Year 8 pupils, in particular, will need to have with regard to ‘peer pressure’. I know that they will have to face tricky moments as they grow up, and any help that Handcross Park can provide will ensure a smoother transition. I have one son who is now in his final year at university and one son taking his A Levels, and they have both had to face difficult times when the dreaded ‘peer pressure’ looms – what does one do? I remember my elder son phoning me up asking what to do in relation to a particular situation at school. I presented him with the following options – speak to a friend, tell a Housemaster or keep quiet. It was all about moral integrity and, in the end, he told a friend and they both informed the Housemaster – good decision. The incident was eventually resolved and, although he did receive some unpleasantness from some of his peers at school, it soon subsided and life moved on. It wasn’t easy though.

So what is peer pressure?

Everyone has peers. Peers can be your friends who are about your age and have similar interests and experiences. Peers can also be other children who are about your age and are involved in the same activities as you. You may not consider all of your peers to be friends, but they can all influence you.

Peer pressure can be positive or negative. When peer pressure is positive, it pushes you to be your best. Negative peer pressure is when someone who is a friend or part of a group you belong to makes you feel that you have to do something to be accepted. It’s the negative peer pressure that we usually think of when the phrase peer pressure is used. When you give in to negative peer pressure, you often feel guilty or disappointed with yourself for acting in a way that goes against your beliefs or values.

What strategies can help handle negative peer pressure?

• Pay attention to how you feel. If something doesn’t feel right about a situation, it probably isn’t. Even if your friends seem OK with what is going on, the situation may not be right for you;
• Plan ahead. Think about how you will respond in different situations. Plan what you can say or what you can do;
• Talk to the person who is pressuring, let him or her know how it makes you feel and tell the person to stop;
• Give an excuse. It should be OK to say “no” without needing to apologise or give an explanation;
• Have friends with similar values and beliefs. It is easier to say “no” if someone else is also saying it. Saying “no” together makes it easier for the both of you;
• Get support from a trusted adult such as a parent or teacher;
• Stand up for others when you see them being pressured. "Bystander intervention" (stepping in to help out when you see someone in trouble) can be an effective way to support others and send a message.

I hope that these strategies will be worth discussing at home with your children.

I wish you all a relaxing half term – where has the time gone!

Richard Brown

Headmaster